Oh my darling Clementine..

This is the story of Clementine whom I met very recently. A self sufficient lady who didn't require much assistance.. at least that's what she said on our first meet. But I had already made my mind that this the woman I will pursue.

It was the 14th day of May, 2011, my 29th birthday. I brooded on 13th night at 12 AM this its just one of those birthday's which have no meaning and it brings me no joy. I dint know what I wanted from life. I didn't know what I expected myself to be; or what I wanted to do in life. Well from a material perspective I'm a well settled Software engineer spending my life Toronto but there was always something missing.
Anyways celebrations went for the entire night and I gulped till I fainted to the bed not knowing what the next day has in store for me. 14th morning I woke early and decided to do something good. Something different perhaps. I visited the Fudger House early morning. Fudger house is the nearby Old age long term care center in Toronto where I met my Clementine. I was a bit nervous about how would people perceive me but things went fine slowly as I started moving around the campus. I was not given any stern looks by anyone but rather I was shocked to see their morose faces. Looked like its been a long while that they have NOT laughed.
I decided that I will choose a random person and talk to him or her. Thats when I met her . She had a big name and she was from Hungary. Married so many times that she doesn't remember her husbands. She has a photograph of a 4 year old young lad at her corner table whom she says is her son. She doesnt remember the last time when she met her. Perhaps 30 years ago or so. Or may be more more. She doesn't remember. I asked her about her favorite song and she said "Oh my darling Clementine". From that point of time, instead of her big complicated name, I started calling her Mrs Clementine. She says that she was born on 1924 and kept asking me to calculate her age. She says that her brain cant calculate it anymore.
She walks with the help of a wheel chair and moves by rolling her foot on the ground. Her parents were divorced, and she had a brother who lived and studied in Romania I believe. She came to Canada many years back and she initially settled in Montreal. She worked in a bank as a Cashier.

I became a bit more curious and asked her if she knew where her son lived. She said that in her distant thoughts she believes that he stays somewhere in Barrie, Ontario. She also believes that he must be having a family too by now. I sometimes wonder what definition of family is this. Born and brought up in a family which was divorced, lived away from brothers during their childhood, moved to different cities; changed countries and lost contacts with the ones with whom you share your own blood. Married so many times that you cant remember your last husbands name now. She mentioned that she had so much of work which is why she couldn't manage to bring up her kid which is why she sent him to her step father to take care of and they lost touch after that. It would be a very rare thought in mind to forget my mother in my entire span of life. Though she loves him very much she said. She sat by the window gazing at the blue sky saying she would love to meet him once but doesn't believe if they would be able to recognize each other or not. A mother being stranger to her own son. A sarcasm and irony on its own.

She also says that she believes in God. She is a Roman Catholic but believes that Jesus was just was son of ONE GOD. I appreciate her this state of belief which is rarely said and heard from people these days.

Anyways this about this 86 years old Clementine who wants to see her son once. I don't know someday if I will manage to do that, but at least if I could give her a little love and respect during the last days of her life , which is best what I could do my darling Clementine.

The meaning of Hanuman

Hanuman when broken down further means: na hanye manaha. (Sanskrit).

Ever wondered what does Hanuman mean? I think you never did. I was reading one of the many spiritual discourses and thats when I found its meaning. Hanuman resembles the almighty deity who technically is not a human but an monkey. What does monkey resemble to? A monkey resembles a hyperactive animal which jumps from one branch to another, similar to our mind which has undulating thoughts, thoughts rise up and falls back and forth; again and again. A monkey in a similar fashion jumps from one branch to another and one day it jumps on a poisonous thorny tree which huts him and eventually kills him in course of time. Try resembling this with our mind, which has the nature of being unstable all the time with innumerous thoughts waving inside. And one day a thought rises in him which forces to do him a bad deed in life. Thats when the good soul within him dies and he keeps doing repetitive mistakes to hide them which leads him to perdition.

Hanuman contrary to that symbolizes "na hanye manaha", someone whose manaha (mann in hindi) or mind in English is never haunted. Because his mind is taken. He has done the samarpan (submission) of his mind to Lord Rama which is why when asked he opened his heart open to show then there is only Rama within his heart. He symbolizes the stability of his mind. He symbolizes that monkey state of our mind which once was a monkey but now is the invincible Hanuman..

Think about it...

Problems of life

I often think and wonder as to why do we run into problems. Problems are of many types, self created or it may be invoked externally. But regardless, a very less chunk of people do not succumb to their problems. Which is very contrasting to the fact that we are intelligent beings and we can take our own decisions using our intellect. But still problems don't fall back but we do. Why???

I think I'd justify it from the sayings of Sri Babaji baba that you are the begetter of everything that impregnates your mind with illusions. You try to convince your mind saying you have a problem and we start losing ourselves to it. Sometimes I feel that we love to live with problems.

More to come...

The need of Sat Guru

Of course technically I dont have a Guru, but yes I have someone whom I believe in my mind as my Guru and to whom would look myself as a disciple. The thought here is why do we need a Guru? What I feel is we think of Guru as an object, someone who could guide you, show the path of fire and light and who shies you away from the path to perdition. But what happens when your Guru dies? Someday or the other he will have to leave for the holy abode. What does he do then? Cry for him? Who guides his karmas at that point? Who shows him the light? Is it gone?

More to come...

The love for God

I sometimes wonder if we really loved God? or it was just I love God because God gives. We all go to temples mosques, churches seeking solace and blessings from God, but what did you give to God? A pack of sweets? some beautifully designed flowers? Is that all? Think about it, you're visiting a persons house who is a potter by profession and would you ever think of gifting him a pot which you bought from his store? You're gifting back the same thing which he has made himself. The same applies to God as well. God doesn't need flowers to make him happy. May be putting flowers on the God/ Goddess makes the idol look beautiful, but nothing more than that. What God actually wants is your heart. When I say heart, what exactly from your heart does it want? Whatever my opinions are may vary with yours but I feel, a complete "samarpan" is what is meant by giving your heart. "Samarpan" means submission, submission means you agree and accept that everything that happens to you is God's wish. But when by heart we start thinking about it, do we really mean it? That I have given my entire heart to God? Everything? Think about it, after visiting the temple and saying to God that my entire heart is yours God, whatever happens is your wish. You reach home and you find that your son is back home and he has failed in his exams and he will be detained by an year. Will you keep your patience thinking whatever happens is God's wish? Will you not beat him? Think about it... We never would, instead we might land up cursing God, saying I prayed so much to you and is this the day that you wanted me to see? Its hence proved that we didn't give our bit to God. We never will rather. We're selfish creatures and just think about the benefits of this body and the objects to which we are attached to.

When we're sad..

Its just another day and life keeps moving on. Whether bereaved sad or you're happy life never stops. Then why am I sad? Sad for what if life will still keep moving on? Karma is life and to do the right karma is our dharma.The sun sets at the time it has to set, rises when it has. If the sun was upset then would it stop rising? No it wont. It cant. Its Sun's karma to rise everyday and rotate around the world. And so is our lives. We cant forget our duties which we generally do when we're upset or depressed. We shouldn't. That shies us from our dharma. Love the one life you have got. Do good deeds. Good deeds for others and for the soul within you. That is the way that you will love yourself and god will love you..

The trek to Bheemeshwari

Ok so here we go...
Just another disgusting Monday to start with and the previous weekend went in utter disgust with lots of sad things happening in life. I reach office. Ritaz looks at me gives me a devilish smile saying "Sirji is weekend ka kya plan hai"...good question asked to such a person who never planned in his entire life. Anyways corporates after all :-) chain mails started flowing between all the inboxes of our gang... Our gang... Okay let me introduce you to all the members of partners of crime...
1. Ritaz.... an amazing French Bull dog.. terrific person to be with..
2. Shilpa.... the next project manager...oooh or should be a part of Indian think tank or some...you must see her negotiation skills...
3. Keerthi... A silent freak.. full enthu and life.. always ready for anything...loads of energy
4. Yogananda.... The munna of our small gang.....why munna?? good question..the next blog would be on this...fantastic jovial person...always landing up in trouble in life..
5. Meghana... The energetic munni of our gang.... dont know why but people see her just as a nursery goer cha cha chi chi girl yet...
6. Radhika.. Gubbaa...the name says it all
7. Smitha ...Kappi...again the name says it all...
8. Divya...josh machine..high on energy
9.Neeraj... the smart handsome dude of our gang..
10. Myself... idiot...moreover the comments to this blog would say it all..
So that was the brief intro abt the gang...Honnemaradu was leading the chart with all its coracle ride and all water funs and stuffs...but somehow Bheemeshwari came in between...and thats it we're done for Bheemeshwari.. Gubba & Kappi left out...Seems they're not coming coming... Meghana, Keerthi & Shilpa showed all faith in the plan and said "they're in"... Friday came and Smitha(Kappi) also waived her tail saying she is in...after all how come she cant meet her fellow monkeys there in Bheemeshwari....Gubba(Radhika) to our surprise also joined us.. Great..so travel plan changed and from a sumo we moved to a Tempo Traveller..
Friday was a sleepless night for many reason..(no pun intended.. i was alone).. Saturday early morning...rather midnight almost at 2.30 our driver calls me up.. Yelli Dira saaar.... saar was busy killing the mosquitoes around that time...anyways i pack up and i land up in the TT(Tempo Traveller).. was a good one..and the driver was also a good jerk like me... :-)
We get started and its 3 A.M.. Ritaz is the first pick... I keep calling and he doesnt pick up the fone at all..Got the scare of my life as to what do i do with this big tempo now?? Go to MG Road?? huh..anyways he picks up the fone and he is the first pick...I had an early drive across all places in bangalore... driver laughs at us.. saying the visit place is 100 kms and we've already travelled 75 kms picking them from home....anyways...pickup over and we start finally for Bheemeshwari at 6.00 AM... The driver was a smart guy and very fast..he took us to a nearby hotel at kanakpura... The owner and the waiters over there were obliged seeing so many beatiful girls early in the morning with us...anyways breakfast over and we head finally for bheemeshwari.. I slept in between the journey so no updates in this one hour..

9.15 A.M we reach Bheemeshwari aka Garlibore...a warm welcome by the attendant there..Namaskara saar... Booking ella maadi dira??? oh my god?? booking book what?? we didnt know that??? so here comes our planman Miss Shipa...dont ask me what i was doing... i was snapping some cutie pies there...oh cutie pie?? any living creature other than humans are cutie pies to me...and i feel myself to be a part of them somehow... Anyways our negotiator comes out with a mystic smile on her face...not able to figure out the meaning behind that smile..she rolls out a plan to us..We cant go till bheemeshwari coz its already jampacked and booked by 130 people...so no more place for us...So we headed for another place or a resort sorf of place nearby called Ananda Dhama...
We start heading towards Ananda Dhama & dhamaal in the middle of the road...we see a croc...omg..is what was there on everyones face...we all went running to see the croc there in the water...Ritaz had his masterpiece take of the croc..it was big...thoughts of coracle ride & white water rafting started sailing toward oblivion with the fact that we came for a picnic for ourself and not for those big croccies...
we move forward..

9.45 AM... Nice cozy place..served with a typical coco drink red in color tasted good.... The authorities gave us a guide who would take us to all places around and take us to a water fall where we can trek and chill around in the water fall...

10.15.. after some foto session with the ducks and some weirdo birds we straight away head for the trek...
After everyone's done with soaking themselves up in sunscreen lotion we straightaway head for some place with no name but heard that there is a waterfall there... ookay..cant help so we start for our journey with a stick around.... the initial first kilometer was an utter disgust with nothing but a mundane journey through the thorny bushes around and no cutie pies to be seen.. The sun was scorching up high in the sky and it was getting hotter in every minute..sunscreens washed away with the sweat and we went walking the extra mile..
Anyways probably after a kilometer walk we started seeing some uphill and expected some big leap awaiting us..
11.50 A.M our first pit stop..came across a waterfall....oooww..water fall..nah..looked like a bisleri water bottle spilled over which made its way along the jungle..disgusting..we stopped there in the shade spotting some crabs and small fishes in that water..atleast happy to see some fauna..again some photoshoots...people were irritated with my stand on not taking any human snaps..spotted some beatiful red-dragon flies & a red & black centipede around the rocky terrains..
we moved forward and thats when the real trek started..the road ahead didnt look that good at all..Gubba(radhika) looked a little sultry but her chemistry with our driver kept her going on.. he he (kidding..he was just helping her to move forward)..
A couple of not so difficult but not so easy boulders and stony designs stood our ways and posed immitent problems for us to move forward... Ritaz lent his hand of support to all the girls to manouvere the moves around those rocks.. we kept moving up the hill waiting for the waterfall..heard that the place is infested with bees..so i stopped smoking..my sandals gave up half the way so i moved on to my next gears...Smitha bruised her leg and also made way for the thorns to add her to her trouble..Yoga meghana & neeraj made a smooth sail with Shilpa and Keerthi making it a simple cakewalk out of the jungle walk..enthusiasm was high and yes we finally made it to the fall...
oh my god..what a place it was to me....came across some of the wonderful spiders in my entire life..all in different attires with everyone giving a grin to us when we started snapping them...wonderful they looked in their teeny weeny red yellow and black combinations...Water relieved us from all the tireness...
The infamous writer in me woke up writing a small note... its a quote from that took up my mood...
An ode to the nature...and to the spiders too(equally applicable)--

sometimes.. when i see you after days..
I almost give in to poetry..

I feel like telling you that you have the perfectly arched eyebrows..
that frames the most beautifully set closed eyelids..
the pour into your thick lashes..
on the most heavenly face I've seen on..
your twitched lips.. slightly parted when you sleep..
and that slightly dented chin.. and a sweet stray freckle..

ahh...
But if I did actually tell you that..
You'll get angry at me..
and cautiously push me away..
So I'll just keep quite and watch ..

enough....you must be seeing the psychedelic in me by now..

anyways lets go back to trek again..

13.30 almost...done with all chocolates and water...throat drying out of thirst sometimes but no give up for anyone was the motto..a couple of us rested on the bouders there...for me i tried some rock climbing here and there making it to the source of the fall..ritaz shilpa n keerthi still made a little more towards the peak..gubba succesfully made it to the top with no injuries..hats off to you..Smitha was limping a little but taurean kappi after all...I knew she would make it too... The big entusiast ogananda was wondering all around the places..neeraj meghana rested for a while..divya looked a little sulky with the exertion and was a little tired..but not lost the josh..

13.45...we started rolling down the trail now with the guide forcing us to catch up early for lunch..again on the way we spotted some beautiful insects and butterflies and we snapped them all..

14.15..sumptuous lunch awaited us..rather we were in a state where anything eatable seemed sumptuous to us rather..

15.00 Yogananda and the driver dozed off in the tents laid down....Divya & Radhika gained her energy back and came back with full force and rejuvination again..Meghana, Smitha, Keerthi & Shilpa looked like ready for another trek..

Showtime dudes...time for some archery now..oo wow seems good..we head for the Jungle Gymkhana what is said so; for archery.. a penchant sound followed us throughout the forest we entered..got an understanding that its the sound of the insects eating the leaves of the plants..
Living in the city amidst the hustle bustle of the traffic,our ears are not acquainted to these kind of sounds..i was feeling like home here..and others got a feelings that i was a mowgli in my previous birth..
Time for some archery...not sure who ran the show with maximum number of hits....anyways no injuries or sounds of any monkeys shot with our arrows..we moved safely...

16.30..somewhere overheard there is ayurvedic massage center and skin re-vitalization clinic..as you know moment it was heard all girls vanished in a clap.. we went there...oi i could a hammmock there...not one but two....time for some photo shoots on orkut..everyone posed to their best shots and they came up well..

16.45..our guide came and told us that we're heading for a water bath now..and everyone gave their nod..i was stinking like pigs and i needed a bath..though a little scared of waters but i gave my nod..moreover the thought of crocs made my life miserable..
we headed for the trail to the river...
the river seemed to be a calm one with water flowing swiftly...everyone plunged into the water..i was left behind still deciding if i should become a meal for crocs or not...but i succumbed to the incessant waterflow and the fun it looked like from the shore..i plunged..
Many ideas floated..dead floating and blah blah...soaked in the water..played with mud for quite some time...
Perhaps this ode suited best to our situation

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.

by George Gordon, Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage.

The sunset seemed to doze of all the melancholiness within us and floated a new energy to start afresh....barefooted we walked a mile in the distant horizons, with the nature cleansing our souls and filling it with vistas of a fresh new day ahead...

We went back to our tents packing up and celebrating Ritaz's birthday for 2nd time again...A romantic aura seemed to touch our hearts and we preferred being silent let our hearts bloat with it..A couple of good shots ended the sunrise behind the mountains bringing an end to an exhilerating weekend..

18.30.. All ready to move..we moved on...singing ga ga goo goo all around...humming screaming all songs we knew...Elvis Prestley was in me and Lata was within someone else..we poured our hearts to the songs and drove back home keeping the clandestine charisma that we all shared together..