Oh my darling Clementine..

This is the story of Clementine whom I met very recently. A self sufficient lady who didn't require much assistance.. at least that's what she said on our first meet. But I had already made my mind that this the woman I will pursue.

It was the 14th day of May, 2011, my 29th birthday. I brooded on 13th night at 12 AM this its just one of those birthday's which have no meaning and it brings me no joy. I dint know what I wanted from life. I didn't know what I expected myself to be; or what I wanted to do in life. Well from a material perspective I'm a well settled Software engineer spending my life Toronto but there was always something missing.
Anyways celebrations went for the entire night and I gulped till I fainted to the bed not knowing what the next day has in store for me. 14th morning I woke early and decided to do something good. Something different perhaps. I visited the Fudger House early morning. Fudger house is the nearby Old age long term care center in Toronto where I met my Clementine. I was a bit nervous about how would people perceive me but things went fine slowly as I started moving around the campus. I was not given any stern looks by anyone but rather I was shocked to see their morose faces. Looked like its been a long while that they have NOT laughed.
I decided that I will choose a random person and talk to him or her. Thats when I met her . She had a big name and she was from Hungary. Married so many times that she doesn't remember her husbands. She has a photograph of a 4 year old young lad at her corner table whom she says is her son. She doesnt remember the last time when she met her. Perhaps 30 years ago or so. Or may be more more. She doesn't remember. I asked her about her favorite song and she said "Oh my darling Clementine". From that point of time, instead of her big complicated name, I started calling her Mrs Clementine. She says that she was born on 1924 and kept asking me to calculate her age. She says that her brain cant calculate it anymore.
She walks with the help of a wheel chair and moves by rolling her foot on the ground. Her parents were divorced, and she had a brother who lived and studied in Romania I believe. She came to Canada many years back and she initially settled in Montreal. She worked in a bank as a Cashier.

I became a bit more curious and asked her if she knew where her son lived. She said that in her distant thoughts she believes that he stays somewhere in Barrie, Ontario. She also believes that he must be having a family too by now. I sometimes wonder what definition of family is this. Born and brought up in a family which was divorced, lived away from brothers during their childhood, moved to different cities; changed countries and lost contacts with the ones with whom you share your own blood. Married so many times that you cant remember your last husbands name now. She mentioned that she had so much of work which is why she couldn't manage to bring up her kid which is why she sent him to her step father to take care of and they lost touch after that. It would be a very rare thought in mind to forget my mother in my entire span of life. Though she loves him very much she said. She sat by the window gazing at the blue sky saying she would love to meet him once but doesn't believe if they would be able to recognize each other or not. A mother being stranger to her own son. A sarcasm and irony on its own.

She also says that she believes in God. She is a Roman Catholic but believes that Jesus was just was son of ONE GOD. I appreciate her this state of belief which is rarely said and heard from people these days.

Anyways this about this 86 years old Clementine who wants to see her son once. I don't know someday if I will manage to do that, but at least if I could give her a little love and respect during the last days of her life , which is best what I could do my darling Clementine.

The meaning of Hanuman

Hanuman when broken down further means: na hanye manaha. (Sanskrit).

Ever wondered what does Hanuman mean? I think you never did. I was reading one of the many spiritual discourses and thats when I found its meaning. Hanuman resembles the almighty deity who technically is not a human but an monkey. What does monkey resemble to? A monkey resembles a hyperactive animal which jumps from one branch to another, similar to our mind which has undulating thoughts, thoughts rise up and falls back and forth; again and again. A monkey in a similar fashion jumps from one branch to another and one day it jumps on a poisonous thorny tree which huts him and eventually kills him in course of time. Try resembling this with our mind, which has the nature of being unstable all the time with innumerous thoughts waving inside. And one day a thought rises in him which forces to do him a bad deed in life. Thats when the good soul within him dies and he keeps doing repetitive mistakes to hide them which leads him to perdition.

Hanuman contrary to that symbolizes "na hanye manaha", someone whose manaha (mann in hindi) or mind in English is never haunted. Because his mind is taken. He has done the samarpan (submission) of his mind to Lord Rama which is why when asked he opened his heart open to show then there is only Rama within his heart. He symbolizes the stability of his mind. He symbolizes that monkey state of our mind which once was a monkey but now is the invincible Hanuman..

Think about it...

Problems of life

I often think and wonder as to why do we run into problems. Problems are of many types, self created or it may be invoked externally. But regardless, a very less chunk of people do not succumb to their problems. Which is very contrasting to the fact that we are intelligent beings and we can take our own decisions using our intellect. But still problems don't fall back but we do. Why???

I think I'd justify it from the sayings of Sri Babaji baba that you are the begetter of everything that impregnates your mind with illusions. You try to convince your mind saying you have a problem and we start losing ourselves to it. Sometimes I feel that we love to live with problems.

More to come...

The need of Sat Guru

Of course technically I dont have a Guru, but yes I have someone whom I believe in my mind as my Guru and to whom would look myself as a disciple. The thought here is why do we need a Guru? What I feel is we think of Guru as an object, someone who could guide you, show the path of fire and light and who shies you away from the path to perdition. But what happens when your Guru dies? Someday or the other he will have to leave for the holy abode. What does he do then? Cry for him? Who guides his karmas at that point? Who shows him the light? Is it gone?

More to come...

The love for God

I sometimes wonder if we really loved God? or it was just I love God because God gives. We all go to temples mosques, churches seeking solace and blessings from God, but what did you give to God? A pack of sweets? some beautifully designed flowers? Is that all? Think about it, you're visiting a persons house who is a potter by profession and would you ever think of gifting him a pot which you bought from his store? You're gifting back the same thing which he has made himself. The same applies to God as well. God doesn't need flowers to make him happy. May be putting flowers on the God/ Goddess makes the idol look beautiful, but nothing more than that. What God actually wants is your heart. When I say heart, what exactly from your heart does it want? Whatever my opinions are may vary with yours but I feel, a complete "samarpan" is what is meant by giving your heart. "Samarpan" means submission, submission means you agree and accept that everything that happens to you is God's wish. But when by heart we start thinking about it, do we really mean it? That I have given my entire heart to God? Everything? Think about it, after visiting the temple and saying to God that my entire heart is yours God, whatever happens is your wish. You reach home and you find that your son is back home and he has failed in his exams and he will be detained by an year. Will you keep your patience thinking whatever happens is God's wish? Will you not beat him? Think about it... We never would, instead we might land up cursing God, saying I prayed so much to you and is this the day that you wanted me to see? Its hence proved that we didn't give our bit to God. We never will rather. We're selfish creatures and just think about the benefits of this body and the objects to which we are attached to.

When we're sad..

Its just another day and life keeps moving on. Whether bereaved sad or you're happy life never stops. Then why am I sad? Sad for what if life will still keep moving on? Karma is life and to do the right karma is our dharma.The sun sets at the time it has to set, rises when it has. If the sun was upset then would it stop rising? No it wont. It cant. Its Sun's karma to rise everyday and rotate around the world. And so is our lives. We cant forget our duties which we generally do when we're upset or depressed. We shouldn't. That shies us from our dharma. Love the one life you have got. Do good deeds. Good deeds for others and for the soul within you. That is the way that you will love yourself and god will love you..